6am: Wake up, get the trash out, shower
6:30am: Make breakfast (blueberry pancakes)
6:50am: Start getting kids up, dressed, and fed.
7:30am: Pack Avery's lunch.
7:40am: Read "Llama Llama, Time to Share" 1,452 times.
8:20am: Load all 4 kids in the car. Out the door to take Avery to basketball camp. It's at Mizzou Arena, which is great except there are approximately 636 steps down to the floor (remember I have 3 wee ones in tow).
8:40am: Avery joins the group, but realizes she forgot her lunch at home. Shit.
8:55am: Pick up Avery's lunch.
9:10am: Drop twins off for preschool (which is Tues/Thurs morning only)
9:30am: Go back down the 636 steps at the Arena to take Avery her lunch.
9:45am: Drive 80mph to make it to my 10:00 dentist appt.
10:15am: One of the two crowns that were supposed to be placed today doesn't fit. Crap. Maren is throwing a fit because she doesn't like seeing someone's hand in my mouth. Re-do impression and schedule another appt in 3 weeks.
11:15am: Home just in time to meet the lawn service and unlock the gates. Lay Maren down and start making spaghetti sauce for dinner. Attempt to clean up graham crackers that have been ground into the carpet. Start a load of laundry.
12:30pm: Leave to pick up the twins. Realize I forgot a check. Turn around, get a check, proceed.
1:00pm: Pick up twins.
1:30pm: Home. Supposed to meet the plumber, but he is running late. Can't be here until 2. I cancel because I have to leave at 2:30 to pick Avery up.
1:35pm: I know the twins won't get a nap today, so I tell them to sit quietly in their room and read books while I try to do more laundry and clean a bit. Lay Maren down.
2:10pm: Go to check on the twins. Stealthy little ninjas went into the bathroom and got a bottle of detangler and sprayed the ENTIRE bottle on their heads. Oh.My.God.
2:20pm: Load kids in car, head to the Arena to get Avery.
2:35pm: Those stairs again, Jesus.
2:45pm: Watch Avery play bball and try to ingore the stares that the twins' ratty, detangler soaked heads are attracting.
3:15pm: Back in the car. This time Elizabeth doesn't want to be buckled. A fight ensues. I win.
3:35pm: Home for a quick snack.
4:00pm: Leave for Avery's CrossFit class.
5:30pm: Back home, lay Maren down, finish cooking dinner.
6:00pm: Feed the kids (minus Maren). While I am piling dishes in the sink, the twins go out on the deck. Elizabeth takes her shoes off and proceeds to get the biggest splinter known to man lodged into her heel.
6:05-6:50pm: Attempt to remove aforementioned splinter from a thrashing, angry toddler. Only partially successful. I surrender.
6:55pm: Bath time for the twins!
7:20pm: After lotion and jammies, it is time for a dance party in the twins room! Then, a bedtime story.
7:35pm: There is a bird in the kitchen. A fucking bird. I don't know if the sliding door was open and it got in during the Great Splinter Extraction or if it has been in here all damn day. It keeps flying head first into the window above the sink.
7:45pm: Attempt to catch the bird. Can't.
7:50pm: Corral the bird in the laundry room and open the door that leads to the garage. Attempt to chase it out. Dumb bird goes behind the washing machine instead. IS THIS REAL LIFE?!?! Oh, and Maren is screaming now.
8:00pm: Finally, the bird is out. Go get Maren.
8:05pm: Feed Maren while playing "Beat the Parents" with Avery.
8:30pm: Get Avery off to bed, bathe Maren.
**Somewhere in here I also changed countless diapers and fit in 6 breastfeeding sessions. I didn't have a bite to eat until dinner, and I only got to finish half my plate. By the way, the laundry and dishes still aren't done.
And now it is 9:23. I have 4 chapters to read tonight and two essays to write, but I have spent the last half hour writing this instead. I am exhausted. All of this on 4 hours sleep, and I get to start all over tomorrow.
So, the next time someone says "Oh, you're a stay at home mom? What do you DO all day?!" I am going to give them a swift kick in the nether regions and point them to this post.