Tuesday, July 8
Wednesday, June 25
To say I am nervous is an understatement. Seeing how perplexed and concerned the doctors were really bothered me. And even after everything I went through with Avery, I always felt so fortunate that her issues could be fixed. The thought of Maren having a lifelong seizure disorder is enough to make me want to break down. I am trying not to think the worst, but it is so hard. I just want my baby to be Ok.
Monday, June 23
Boy have I been busy! I started school back in March and I am well on my way to becoming a nurse! Things have been crazy hectic because I am taking a full load, but after 10 years off, I am ready to get this over with! In a dream world, I will end up in a CRNA program, but I have a LONG way to go to make that a reality. But so far, so good!
Summer is going well so far. I decided to keep the twins in part time preschool over the summer so they can keep their routine (and so I can have a little time "to myself") so nothing new there. Avery is in summer school right now and once that ends in early July, the real fun will begin! She is scheduled for Mizzou volleyball camp, Mizzou basketball camp and art camp! She will also spend some time visiting grandparents at the end of summer, and she is super excited about that. Maren is growing and changing at a rapid pace. She is almost 14 months now, and still breast feeding like a champ! I never thought I would BF at all, much less past the year mark! No signs of stopping any time soon either. I want her to be a baby forever, so maybe this is one way for me to hold onto that...
D and I were supposed to be going on a dream Ireland vacation this month. He had a conference in Belfast and his expenses were covered, so I was tagging along. Well, apparently it wasn't meant to be. Our original flight was cancelled for no good reason as we were on our way to the airport, so they rescheduled us for the following day. After many hours sitting in the STL airport, boarding the plane a few times only to be kicked off again, and being told we would not make our connecting flight, we ended up surrendering and coming home. It was very disappointing, especially because our flight ended up taking off only 30 minutes after we left (and we would have easily made our connection because it was delayed too). D and I were both sick over it--literally. We moped around for days, feeling absolutely depressed over it. I'm still sad that it didn't work out, but after all of the headaches, I have to believe that I was just supposed to be home with my girls for some reason. Maybe something bad would have happened if we had gone, I don't know. It sucks that we lost so much money (around $10k, all said and done, thanks to a fancy non-refundable tour) but not much we can do about it now. The good news is we have decided we deserve a trip for our upcoming 5 year anniversary in November. We don't have a clue where we will go, but we are open to suggestions! What is your go to relaxation destination?
I have lots of ideas for blog posts, but little time to sit down and wrote them. I'm hoping to make some time to do it after I finish my mid-terms. In the meantime, enjoy some pictures of my beautiful little ladies!
Friday, March 21
Just a few weeks after my commitment to healthier eating, I am happy to report that I actually am seeing improvements in the twins' behavior! Hallelujah! I have cooked real food every single night, and nearly all of it has been organic. We have also purchased a pig as well as a side of beef, so in a few weeks we will have a freezer full of fresh, hormone/antibiotic free, local meat. We have purchased a pig about every 6 months since we moved to Como, but this is our first round with the cow. It is grass fed and grass finished (which I didn't even know was a thing) and I am really excited!
In other exciting news, we have visitors coming tonight! Granny and Papa are driving up from FL as we speak. I can't wait to see them! If the weather is nice next week, we are planning to have a few outings, including a day trip to St Louis. It should be a lot of fun!
Wednesday, March 12
Fast forward 10 or so years and I am starting to get it. Every Tuesday and Thursday morning, I drop my twins off for 4 hours of preschool. 4 hours of blissful, (mostly) quiet time. 4 hours that I can utilize to go to the grocery store with only one kid in tow, catch up on laundry, go to the doctor, or perhaps take a quick nap. I need these 4 hours to maintain my sanity. I love all of my girls, but I do need a little break from time to time. And besides that, they desperately needed the socialization!
Not only have I shipped my kids off to preschool, I have also paid someone to clean and organize my house. When I still had approximately 40 unopened boxes in the garage a year after we moved, I knew I needed to call in a pro. I am SO glad I did. And the cleaning, oh god, the cleaning... It never ends! I can clean the house floor to ceiling, but 5 minutes later, it is a wreck again. It never ends. I'm happy to let someone else tackle it every once in a while. Go ahead, call me lazy.
Other things I would "never" do:
Bribe my kids. Ha! That's an almost daily occurrence here...
Let my baby have a pacifier past 1 year. Avery was well over 2 when we finally got hers pried out of her mouth, and the twins were around 18 months. No clue when we will take Maren's but it won't be anytime soon...
Let my appearance slack. Doesn't everyone want to be the mom that looks put together every second of every day? Sure, but who actually has time for that shit?
Lose myself in my kids' lives. Sadly, this has happened. I feel like I no longer have an identity outside "That mom with peanut butter on her shirt and spit up in her hair." Most of my day is spent running kids to their various activities, and I haven't made any time to explore my own interests. I am trying to change this, though.
Have a child that has to be practically dragged out of a store/restaurant/other public place. Yeah, this one is completely unavoidable with twin toddlers. My own personal hell was served up to me last summer when I dropped Avery off at art camp and Elizabeth realllllly wanted to stay. It took me 45 minutes to get her out of the building. I mean, what can you really do when you have another toddler and you are also carrying a newborn? It was terrible. I was hoping a kind stranger would take pity on me and hold the baby while I wrangled the angry twin, but no such luck. And I won't even tell you how long it took to get her through the parking lot and into the car.
Let my kid eat/drink xyz... Ugh, yeah. My kids have gone through such extreme hunger strikes that I would let them eat practically anything they wanted. Things I should be ashamed of. But, guess what? I'm not!
Sadly, there are so many more things I judged other moms for. I feel so silly looking back at it now. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt now and realize that most of us are doing the best we can. Some days are better than others. I'm sure I have been judged many times, with many more to come. But it never fails that the ones who judge most harshly are those that don't have a clue what it is like to walk in our shoes...
Were you a parenting critic before you had kids? What did you judge most harshly?
Saturday, March 8
I dropped Avery off for her first sleepover this afternoon. I had to fight back tears as she ran off excitedly. I had to coax her back to give me a hug! How is it possible that this day has already come? I swear she was JUST born! I don't think I will be getting any sleep tonight...
I hope she has fun. She deserves to be away from whiny little sisters for a night. But, geez, I feel lost without her! She is my little sidekick! I guess I better get used to it, though. It might be the first but won't be the last!
Since I am feeling all sentimental, let's take a look back at little baby Ry...
Thursday, March 6
In all my stress, I have developed some pretty bad habits. More often than not, I have been buying convenience foods because, well, when the hell do I have time to cook?! The twins have gone through a pretty significant personality change, and I honestly wonder if some of it is food related... So I made a commitment to get back on track with healthier eating. I went to the store on Tuesday and purchased only single ingredient foods... So far so good!
I hope that getting our diets under control will help all of us. I need to get back into a cooking routine. We need to make more of an effort to sit and eat together as a family--even if it's at 5:00 because we have other obligations in the evening. I am starting school in 2 weeks, so hopefully I will be able to keep it together. I KNOW I can do better for my kids than I have been. I can do better for myself. I will do better.
As I mentioned earlier, we moved the twins to big girl beds about a month ago. I resisted for a long time, but I finally did it to shut D up. What.A.Mistake. Seriously, my well behaved 2 year olds have turned into complete hellions! They spend more time crying than not. They fight. They are becoming violent. What the hell?!
Initially, they were terrified on the beds. Would not go near them. I could get them to fall asleep in them occasionally, but only if I laid with them for 3 hours, and that just isn't realistic. Plus, they would wake up in the middle of the night and scream. So they said they wanted to sleep in the floor. Fine. Knock yourself out, kids. All was fine for about a week... Then the real trouble started...
Naps have become nonexistent. They refuse. Probably because they ripped down their black out curtains and now it is too bright in their room. Then they discovered that if they work together, they can accomplish destruction that nobody ever thought possible. They remove the sheets and blankets and then they actually MOVE THE MATTRESSES! Initially, they just pulled them onto the floor, but then they figured out if they prop them up at an angle, they can use them as slides. Ughhhhh. They do this every single day at nap time. And every day I clean it up.
Their room is totally destroyed, and I am on the brink of an emotional breakdown. I have tried everything I can think of. Positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, bribery, threats, cutting out nap, earlier bed time, later bed time... They don't care about any of it. So I feel like a total failure of a mom. I just want my sweet babies back.
So, please, somebody tell me that satan laces boxed dinners with hellion dust and that my kids will return to normal now that I am making the time to consistently cook nutritious meals?!? A girl can hope, right?